Prayer Warriors

Are you a prayer warrior?  Have you ever stepped up to be a prayer warrior for anyone?  I have several prayer warriors and they are the ones who get me though the pain of this infertility.  Simple text messages, emails, phone calls or conversations with these prayer warriors always put my heart at ease.

It is a crazy thing, most of the people who are faithfully praying for me have so much going on in their own lives to pray about yet they all take the time to pray for me.  We all have so much going on and life gets busy, but take the time to pray for someone and let them know.  It does great things for the soul.

I am so thankful for my prayer warriors, I love you all and can not get through this without you!

My messages...

My message today:

Like I said in my last post, not silent!  I head to Vegas tomorrow, maybe I'll get a post up on the plane :)  If not look for a big picture dump on Sunday or Monday next week.  I start my teaching licensure class next Monday and will be finished July 25th, I can't wait.

God is not silent.

I'm sitting in the waiting room for my insemination this morning... I'm the only one here! 

I turned the tv on and was headed for the news when I came across Joel Osteen on the tv.  I stopped to watch because I won't make it to church this morning... I'll have to watch the Daystar service when it is up online. 

Anyway long story short the sermon was about having faith and trusting God. The first words I heard were "believe in your blessings, believe that there is a child headed your way.  That baby you want so badly is headed your way." He spoke of Psalms 113: 

So through my struggles I must believe in my blessings and believe that I will receive my blessings because I remain faithful. The Lord made his promises and I am ready to receive! Amen!

Living life...

Sorry for the short hiatus, I am back.  I was getting to a very ugly spot in my journey, a place where I found it difficult to be nice and where I was so ANGRY.  Angry with myself, my body, everyone and everything around me.  I decided not to write during this fit of anger because I didn't want to hurt anyone that I love.  I honestly think through prayer and the support of a new infertility small group I was able to get back in control of my anger.  I don't think I'm done being angry, but I have a better handle on it.

So, what have we been up to over the past few months... some traveling and finishing out the school year.  We went to The Greenbrier last weekend, my husband had a conference to go to and I was able to go and just relax!

We got there Thursday and had a wonderful dinner followed by this amazing banana split!

Friday morning we went to the Gun Club, my husband loves to shoot sporting clays and has made this a tradition.  I was able to join, but I did not shoot.  Having that much power in my hands is really frightening.  I had a great time hanging out with my husband and father-in-law that morning before their conference.

During their conference, I went to the pool for the day, followed by afternoon tea and a second amazing  dinner.  The Greenbrier really does know how to do food!

On Saturday, I was able to spend the entire morning and some of the afternoon at the spa.  I really am one lucky girl!  I had a massage followed by a facial all while being pampered by the awesome staff! You check in before your appointment, sit in a "relaxing" room and then go back for your treatments. After your treatments (or between) you can use the steam shower or sauna, it is so wonderful!  Here are some pictures from the relaxation room.

Okay, back to the issue at hand. Infertility.  Let me offer some advice to anyone out there who may be reading this and not going through infertility.  NEVER, EVER, EVER ask a woman when or if she is going to have a baby or another baby.  JUST DON'T DO IT.  Also, don't tell infertile women to relax, if one more person tells me to "just relax," I might lose it.  Infertility is a real and devastating medical condition, relaxing does not cure cancer... Relaxing will not cure my infertility.

I had a follicle study today (transvaginal ultrasound) and I have 2 good follicles on the left side.  I ask you, if you're reading this to please pray that these two follicles will travel down the fallopian tube and be fertilized!  I have shifted my prayers from asking or begging to be pregnant to asking God to please heal my fallopian tubes (we think there is endometrosis present in the tubes).  Sunday is the day!

When I was leaving the doctor's office today, I was frustrated because they didn't schedule the IUI while I was at the office.  There is a lady who usually works in referrals and she schedules the appointments before I leave.  She is out on maternity leave and the person covering her does not do it the same way she does and I can't stand it.  I am a girl who loves routines and order and she does not give me my routine.  I am learning to live with it, I cannot change her.  I got in my car and started going to work, the most perfect song was playing on The Message.  If that wasn't my message today, I don't know if I have ever received a message.

I am finishing up work this week and have so much more to write.  I need to get ya'll caught up!  I will do a better job of handling my anger and writing about this journey so that someday I can lead a small group and say look, I was where you are and this is where I am now.  There are so many wonderful people in my life now and I appreciate each one of them.

Exhausted & big decisions

It has been awhile since I last posted, not that much has happened.  I am tired and when I say tired, like weak in the knees tired!  Everyone around me tells me how I look tired!  I am not sure what it is, but I don't think it is anything that a quick little beach trip can't cure.

I've had yet another failed IUI cycle.  I wasn't that surprised, by the time the IUI actually took place last month, the sample was probably no longer viable.  I should have saved my $250 and just waited until the next month.  I should have another IUI this week, but we'll be out of town so it can't happen.  I find myself at peace with this, maybe the stress of each IUI, coordinating schedules and taking off of work doesn't help.

I need to make a big decision about my job.  I have been presented with an offer that is very appealing but I am not sure I can make the move.  I am comfortable where I am and I know the people I work with and for the most part I love them.  I have troubles with discipline, but maybe I need to just give it up.  I'm not really sure.  I am praying for a clear sign or a any sign for that matter.  Fingers crossed it comes through.

I really hope that next week, I'll ovulate and things will work out naturally.  I won't get my hopes up all that much, but maybe.

Fingers crossed

I'm sitting here waiting for the insemination... 

God, please make it happen. I pray that you would bless the procedure today, let fertilization and implantation occur. Amen.

Here we go again...

I had another doctor's appointment today.  I have one good follicle measuring 20 or 21 (I can't remember) and 2 other follicles that are a good size (16 and 14), but probably won't be the main follicle released. Any follicle over 18mm is mature.  The plan is for IUI on Wednesday morning, time unknown (you know that makes me CRAZY).  Hopefully it will be with my doctor and not one of her partners, but all of that is in God's hands.

I took a 1/2 day, which ended up being a crazy day today.  We had ice last night and the school system decided to delay for 2 hours.  We get to school, it continues to be 32 and then we get released 2 hours early due to inclement weather.  We should have never even gone in.  I really hope there is no school tomorrow and then I'll be off on Wednesday for my IUI.  I could go in after, but sometimes a girl needs to relax.

Please pray that this time IUI works!  It is starting to wear me down.  The frustration of all of the scheduling and the constant not knowing what is going to happen is really trying.  I know that it is not up to me, or on my schedule, but I pray that it is time, that I am ready and this is God's plan.

I have received texts from friends who are praying for me, those texts and messages mean more to me than anything right now.  They are so encouraging and uplifting and always seem to come when I am at my worst.  Fingers crossed Wednesday is the day, oh God, please let this be it.